This commercial is funny because its my life.
Enjoy, lost and short fans.
(lost because I haven't blogged in 5 months. oops.)
Monday, March 26, 2012
Thursday, October 20, 2011
#tallpeopleadvantages
But it was mostly about people's problems with their verticality, which was crazy depressing.
Lets be honest. Look up every now and then and talk to a tall person. They're everywhere, and not only do they rule ESPN (minus soccer and horse racing), but they also rule the every day problems of short people's lives.
Yeah, your welcome for reaching your article of clothing on that top shelf.
Tall People Advantages:
#10: being asked "How tall are you?" is annoying as crap, but a great conversation starter. For, you know...tall small talk. If that even exists.
#9: apparently tall people hide gained weight better.
#8: Tall people are more successful. Google told me so.
#7: Looking down on people. Instant superiority. Cocky? Sorry, I can't help my body type.
#6: Models. For the celebrities who want a hott, foreign, no-name red carpet date.
#5: Long legs. Great on guys and gals, am I right?
#4: People assuming you can dunk. It is just so incredibly flattering, and no one has to know that your vertical is equivalent to the height of a credit card.
#3The whole reaching thing. Can't reach? Here, let me extend my bionic stretch arm to the top of that shelf for ya.
#2: Lining up tallest to shortest. Just so you can remind everyone of their lacking verticality.
#1: Seeing over a crowd. No matter how far away you are, you can almost always see whats going on. I don't even mind acting as a GPS when other people demand that I find their friend in a large group. Totally worth it.
Stay Excellent.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
A Leg Up
If there's one thing I've learned in my extremely vertical life, its to always duck when a plane takes off.
No, I'm kidding. I am most certainly not a sky scraper or the eiffel tower.
But the one thing of value that I have actually learned this summer, is this:
Use great discretion when deciding on whether or not you want to go tubing.
We all know summer is defined by country music, tank tops, and bodies of water, and this summer has been no exception for me and my chums. Just last week, I went to 2 different lakes with 2 different groups and rode on 2 different types of tubes.
Of all the pain that came from those experiences, the worst part by far was having no control over my legs.
And my poor friends were taking the hits from it. No...literally....my knees kept whacking them in the face. I'm sorry guys...it was involuntary. You know who you are.
Basically what happens is the boat gets going, it drags its victims along, those with no upper body strength focus more on holding on, and Emily forgets that Mile One and Mile Two (the names I have affectionally given my legs) can do some serious damage, and boom. Knee in the face.
And then my hamstring cramped up from me trying to control the lil' leggies, which is just weird.
So if you are vertically blessed, take heed: If your friends are willing to sacrifice fun for a knee in the mouth, you and your lengthy self should go for it.
If not, stay on the boat. And accept the fact that being tall has it's short comings.
Pun intended.
No, I'm kidding. I am most certainly not a sky scraper or the eiffel tower.
But the one thing of value that I have actually learned this summer, is this:
Use great discretion when deciding on whether or not you want to go tubing.
We all know summer is defined by country music, tank tops, and bodies of water, and this summer has been no exception for me and my chums. Just last week, I went to 2 different lakes with 2 different groups and rode on 2 different types of tubes.
Of all the pain that came from those experiences, the worst part by far was having no control over my legs.
And my poor friends were taking the hits from it. No...literally....my knees kept whacking them in the face. I'm sorry guys...it was involuntary. You know who you are.
Basically what happens is the boat gets going, it drags its victims along, those with no upper body strength focus more on holding on, and Emily forgets that Mile One and Mile Two (the names I have affectionally given my legs) can do some serious damage, and boom. Knee in the face.
And then my hamstring cramped up from me trying to control the lil' leggies, which is just weird.
So if you are vertically blessed, take heed: If your friends are willing to sacrifice fun for a knee in the mouth, you and your lengthy self should go for it.
If not, stay on the boat. And accept the fact that being tall has it's short comings.
Pun intended.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
10 Days With The Yanks
I have recently returned from a trip above the Mason-Dixon line, a historic vacation of sorts.
Not only did I have the chance to see a replication of the Mayflower, watch my parents talk to a pilgrim-historic-actress for half an hour, pretend like I was a perspective student at Harvard, and wear a North Face jacket and jeans in July, but I also learned something very valuable about the general demographics of our noble country, that, of course, pertain to this blog.
One person asked me how tall I was during the 10 days that we were there.
Totally out of my comfort zone.
Kidding.
People are taller in the North. Maybe it's the lack of sweet tea and fumes from rolling redneck trucks. And this fact was reassuringly pointed out to me by my mom,who is also convinced that I am destined to marry Tim Tebow, the world's most perfect person. She said it in a not-to-worry-you-may-or-may-not-be-alone-for-the-rest-of-your-life kind of way.
But lets be honest...those Yankees are uglier.
A sacrifice I may just have to take...
(Tim Tebow was born in the Philippines, a fact which is completely neutral to this case.)
Not only did I have the chance to see a replication of the Mayflower, watch my parents talk to a pilgrim-historic-actress for half an hour, pretend like I was a perspective student at Harvard, and wear a North Face jacket and jeans in July, but I also learned something very valuable about the general demographics of our noble country, that, of course, pertain to this blog.
One person asked me how tall I was during the 10 days that we were there.
Totally out of my comfort zone.
Kidding.
People are taller in the North. Maybe it's the lack of sweet tea and fumes from rolling redneck trucks. And this fact was reassuringly pointed out to me by my mom,
But lets be honest...those Yankees are uglier.
A sacrifice I may just have to take...
(Tim Tebow was born in the Philippines, a fact which is completely neutral to this case.)
Friday, June 24, 2011
Eat Your Wheaties
I actually told a lady the other day to tell her son that, because apparently, he is too short. I've had it with short guys in this world. Seriously...my mom suggest moving to the north because they apparently grow them taller up there.
Probably because they have less sugar in their iced tea.
I have officially come to the conclusion that at other schools, there are height restrictions for the yearbook staff.
Pretty sure that the kids in the nursery at church were taller then these kids...
I have gathered this information from my oh-so-nerdy yearbook conference excursion in Auburn.
I have never seen the look-and-whisper so much at one time.
Oh, whats that? You don't know what the look-and-whisper is?
Then, young grasshopper, you have never seen me before.
The look-and-whisper is most common among femalesand is often practiced when I walk into a room full of strangers for the first time.
How to look-and-whisper:
1. See someone with a freakish quality that makes you think, "Heck, if I were that person, I would never reproduce and inflict that upon my children."
2. Grab a friend
3. Pull friend close
4. Whisper something to friend while also staring that the person with freakish quality*
*Effects are more catty when the freakish person catches you doing above action.
I got so many "You are sooooooooooooooooooo taaaaalllllllllll!!"'s in 2 days then, like, ever. (By extending the "so tall" part of that comment apparently is necessary because it reflects my actual extended body type.)
Whatta bunch o' Sherlocks.
Gotta lot of basketball/model questions, nothing new. But when you act like you have never been called tall in your life...lemme tell you, it throws them for a loop. (Oh my gosh, those Iranian pills I got last week are working then!)
In volleyball, height is feared and respected. In yearbook, height is probably a sign of being rejected from all the sports teams and having to turn to the only people who except everybody....NERDS.
(Tomorrow, I'm off to the motherland, a.k.a the noble state of Pennsylvania tomorrow with the fam. I'll try to post, but keep your fingers at least half crossed. Until Tuesday. So I know if you are a true fan or not.)
Word.
Probably because they have less sugar in their iced tea.
I have officially come to the conclusion that at other schools, there are height restrictions for the yearbook staff.
Pretty sure that the kids in the nursery at church were taller then these kids...
I have gathered this information from my oh-so-nerdy yearbook conference excursion in Auburn.
I have never seen the look-and-whisper so much at one time.
Oh, whats that? You don't know what the look-and-whisper is?
Then, young grasshopper, you have never seen me before.
The look-and-whisper is most common among females
How to look-and-whisper:
1. See someone with a freakish quality that makes you think, "Heck, if I were that person, I would never reproduce and inflict that upon my children."
2. Grab a friend
3. Pull friend close
4. Whisper something to friend while also staring that the person with freakish quality*
*Effects are more catty when the freakish person catches you doing above action.
I got so many "You are sooooooooooooooooooo taaaaalllllllllll!!"'s in 2 days then, like, ever. (By extending the "so tall" part of that comment apparently is necessary because it reflects my actual extended body type.)
Whatta bunch o' Sherlocks.
Gotta lot of basketball/model questions, nothing new. But when you act like you have never been called tall in your life...lemme tell you, it throws them for a loop. (Oh my gosh, those Iranian pills I got last week are working then!)
In volleyball, height is feared and respected. In yearbook, height is probably a sign of being rejected from all the sports teams and having to turn to the only people who except everybody....NERDS.
(Tomorrow, I'm off to the motherland, a.k.a the noble state of Pennsylvania tomorrow with the fam. I'll try to post, but keep your fingers at least half crossed. Until Tuesday. So I know if you are a true fan or not.)
Word.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
You Should...
...play basketball.
...play volleyball.
...model.
...be a flagpole.
...be a lamp post.
...be less awkward.
...be better at walking.
...look less like a tree.
...look less like Brooklyn Decker.
...be less addicted to the cheese. As in cheesey. As in, The Bachelorette.
...stop making people feel like midgets.
...learn how to carry a tune and therefore not wrench out the eardrums of those in hearing distance of you.
...get normal-sized hands.
...come out of the Justin Bieber fan closet.
...stop shedding a tear every time the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 trailer comes on TV. Seriously. It's pathetic.
...go to bed. You have to get up at 6 tomorrow, loser.
Well that was a nice pep talk.
Disclaimer: the majority of the above statements have never actually come from the mouth a stranger, but rather, they are suggestions from myself from the scary thing called Emily's brain (which, like the rest of her body, is also really tall and skinny. Go figure.)
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